Constipation
by LindenMae
Summary: Not as cracky as the title and my summary makes it sound. Yamamoto looks really good in a suit, Ryohei doesn't think before he speaks, and Gokudera blows things up and ends up losing his virginity in the mix. 8059 smut and humor.


**I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.**

The idiot looks really good in a suit. He begrudgingly has to admit it after the fifth time he catches himself staring. It should be a crime for someone that moronic to clean up so well. He almost resents helping the idiot pick out the suit for this thing but every so often he sees Yamamoto gesture to his clothes and then gesture in his direction and he knows the idiot is shrugging off the compliments from his new group of fangirls and at least he's getting the credit for making the idiot look so good and that's okay… he guesses. His fingers aren't itching to wrap around the dynamite stored away in his pockets at all. A display of such violence would embarrass the Tenth, no matter how satisfying it would be to hear those bitches scream.

He sits at the bar and nurses the drink he would have been too young to order in Japan and sucks on the filter of his fourth or fifth cigarette in half an hour, really he's lost count, and tries to control the urge to watch how gracefully the dark fabric drapes over the lines of Yamamoto's body as he shifts awkwardly under the attention and rubs the back of his neck as if this was the first time a girl had ever put too much effort into getting him to look at her.

This is different though, he knows that. These girls aren't the demure Japanese school girls that Yamamoto is used to. These are Italian girls in low cut dresses with thigh high slits and doe eyes with lashes that reflect the light when they bat them just so. And Yamamoto is just too damned nice to fend them off, he has no idea that they'll eat him alive if he doesn't learn to handle them right. If Gokudera were feeling generous he might put his bitter tongue to use and give the idiot a hand but generosity is something he rarely ever feels in regards to Yamamoto and he wouldn't want the moron to get the wrong impression. So he just grits his teeth against the barrage of high pitched giggles coming from a few feet too close to him and almost welcomes the overly exuberant conversation offered him when the other dumb jock sits down… _almost._

"You're looking extremely constipated, Octupus head!" Ryhohei booms in his ear and Gokudera chokes on his drink, his life almost flashing before his eyes when the boxer jumps up from his seat and attempts to perform the Heimlich on him.

He forcefully shoves the other man away and tries to focus on controlling the coloring in his face. He can see Yamamoto looking, bewildered, in their direction and he really doesn't want the baseball idiot to come over but controlling himself isn't something he's good at.

"Damnit Turf Top! Don't say things like that so loud!" He glances around the party to see if anyone other than the baseball idiot heard and he would have been relieved by the fact that no one else seems to be paying them any undue attention but Gokudera is paranoid by nature and he doesn't believe that any of them are that oblivious. "I'm not constipated." He mumbles against his glass as he tries a second time to take a sip from his drink.

"You should drink prune juice! It will clear you out to the extreme!"

"I'm not constipated you stupid lawn head!" He yells and this time everyone does look and before he can even blink Tsuna is rushing to his side, eyes wide and more than a little worried.

"Gokudera-kun! Are you alright?"

Gokudera flushes a red so deep at that moment that he can feel it and he's not the least bit surprised when Ryohei tells him that he looks like a radish to the extreme but that doesn't stop him from pulling out a mini bomb and stuffing it underneath the lawn head's lapel before Tsuna can stop him.

"I'm sorry, Tenth!" He says as he watches Tsuna pat Ryohei's chest furiously, trying to put out the flame before the boxer can explode, but he's not sorry… not really. He drops the smirk on his face the second Tsuna turns around, looking exasperated and frazzled and every other adjective along those lines.

"Gokudera-kun… maybe you should get some air."

"What? Tenth! I'm fine, I don't need air! I just need lawn head to shut the hell up and stop yelling about my bowels!"

"Gokudera-kun…" Tsuna's wringing his hands and glancing furtively around the room as if he expects Reborn to pop out from the shadows at any moment with a brutal kick to the head, probably not a far-fetched fear, and Gokudera starts to regret trying to blow Ryohei up, just a little bit.

"I'll take Gokudera outside, Tsuna. I need some air myself."

Every curse that Gokudera knows in every language he's ever learned shoots through his brain at the exact second he hears the baseball idiot's voice. Because, damnit, this is all the idiot's fault anyway. None of this would have happened if the idiot hadn't looked so damn good in that suit.

"Really, Tenth, I don't need to leave. Who will protect you if I'm outside?"

Tsuna glances around nervously and offers a shaky smile to Kyoko who's waving sweetly at him from across the room.

"Please, Gokudera-kun? Just for an hour or so?"

"Come on, Gokudera. Did you see the grounds on the way in? It's like a jungle!" The idiot sounds way too excited about some fucking landscaping and he tries to fight it off when Yamamoto wraps an arm around his shoulders and starts to drag him toward the door, but it's halfhearted because at that moment a foreign scent reaches his nose and he realizes that the idiot is wearing cologne and his heart starts fluttering against his ribcage.

"One of those girls told me that there's a koi pond somewhere and there's even a miniature shrine by it. Haha, I guess they thought I'd like it because I'm Japanese. Do you want to try and find it, Gokudera?"

"No." Yes. "I don't want to go anywhere with you, baseball freak."

"Aw, it'll be fun! Besides, Tsuna told you that you needed to get some air and don't you always do what Tsuna wants?"

He scowls and shrugs away from the idiot's arm. "I do _not_ always do what the Tenth wants."

"Ahaha, but you do most of the time and this isn't, like, a battle or anything so maybe you should."

"Che… whatever." He crosses his arms over his chest but he follows the idiot deeper into the lush gardens that decorated the mansion's grounds.

"That girl told me-"

"Which one?"

"Wha? Oh, ahh, I don't know. The blonde one?"

"Idiot. There were at least three blonde ones."

"Well I wasn't really paying attention. They weren't as interesting as Gokudera is."

He feels himself blush but he tries to play it cool. It does not make him feel better to know that the idiot barely noticed the members of his fan club because he wasn't jealous in the first place. Really, he wasn't.

"How come you weren't talking to any of the girls, Gokudera?"

"Che. I don't have time to be distracted by silly girls. The Tenth might have needed me."

The idiot just looks at him and gives him this soft little smile that Gokudera doesn't understand but has been seeing a lot lately. It makes his heart swell and beat erratically and it makes him want to smile back and that would _definitely_ give the idiot the wrong impression so he glares at him instead and then pretends to be incredibly interested in a hangnail on this thumb until the idiot stops looking at him that way.

"Anyway, that girl told me that it's the most romantic part of the grounds."

Gokudera sputters a bit before lashing out and punching the idiot hard on the shoulder.

"Idiot! I don't want to go anywhere romantic with you! And how do you even know that what's she said? We're in Italy and you couldn't converse with a two year old! She could have told you where the family cemetery was and said it was the scariest place on the grounds and that's where you could be taking us now! And why would you think it's okay to take me anywhere that you think is romantic in the first place?"

Yamamoto just smiles at him and brings his hands up, palms forward, in surrender.

"Now, now, Gokudera. I just thought it would be nice. That's all."

"You just thought it would be nice? Che, like you ever think."

"Haha, you're probably right Gokudera. But it might be nice, right?"

Gokudera ignores the hopeful look in those big topaz eyes and stomps past him even though he has no idea where he's going, but the idiot doesn't either so it's not like they're going to get any further from their destination with him leading the way. They'll probably find it sooner in fact, since he's the smart one of the pair and all. He does not say that he kind of thinks that it really might be nice because he kind of misses Japan because it won't and he doesn't. He doesn't shrug off the arm that's suddenly draped across his shoulders again either though.

When they finally stumble across the koi pond and the miniature shrine, somewhere deep in the jungle like landscaping and far from the house, Gokudera has to admit that it _is_ kind of nice even if the idiot's there too.

He still doesn't feel good about leaving the Tenth alone and the idiot's grating on his nerves just by existing but that's always the case so he doesn't even think about it half the time anymore, but the pond is actually rather calming and he finds himself sitting beside it and staring at the moonlight reflecting off of it and he doesn't even mind when the idiot sits down next to him and doesn't leave enough space between them to be proper.

He really likes the smell of Yamamoto's cologne and even though he knows it's actually one of his own, it mixes with the idiot's natural scent in a way that's actually rather intoxicating and makes him feel lightheaded. He leans toward him unconsciously and breathes him in and his fingers rebel against him and clutch at the cuff of the idiot's suit jacket, brushing against his unnaturally warm skin.

"It's nice, right Gokudera?" Yamamoto whispers against his ear and he's not entirely sure when the idiot's head turned that way but the feel of his breath on the shell of his ear sends electricity across his synapses and his breath goes ragged against his will, whatever will is left anyway.

He swallows and nods and fights a moan when he feels Yamamoto's lips against his neck.

"I don't care about those girls, Gokudera. I never have. Not even back in Namimori."

Gokudera only understands half of what the idiot is saying as the words struggle to break through the heady fog of arousal that has taken over his brain but the thinks he likes what he's hearing. Yamamoto's hands are pushing his jacket off his shoulders and he lets them and the cool night air feels really good through the thin silk of his dress shirt but not as good as the warmth of Yamamoto's body as it presses against him.

"Yama… Yamamoto." He breathes when he realizes his shirt is being unbuttoned and he feels the idiot's mouth hot against his collarbone. "Idiot do-don't."

"But it's romantic isn't it, Dera?" And he looks up with those eyes and Gokudera wonders what poor puppy he stole them from because he can't say no and he wonders if he ever truly wanted to.

"Don't stop." He growls and the idiot smiles and gets his shirt undone just enough that he can take a sensitive nipple into his mouth and tongue it to the point that Gokudera feels his body liquefy and he's briefly glad that he's already sitting down. He grips Yamamoto's shoulders, fingernails scratching against the expensive fabric of the idiot's suit jacket and doesn't protest when he's laid down and he feels the cool ground against the back of his head. He's probably getting dirty but that doesn't seem that important at the moment, not nearly as important as the way Yamamoto's tongue is licking its way across his chest and the way his big dumb baseball hand is suddenly rubbing at his crotch through his pants and _holy shit _does that feel good.

When Yamamoto crawls up his body and presses their lips together he reacts with a hunger that has been eating away at him for who knows how long and nearly devours the idiot's mouth with his own. It's warm and wet and a little bit sloppy but the idiot tastes good and Gokudera always kind of knew that he would.

Yamamoto's grip on the bulge in his pants gets rough and he bucks into it and moans into the idiot's mouth and grasps at his shoulders so tightly he's sure he could tear the fabric if he wanted to. Their mouths part and they pant for breath and Yamamoto's fingers move to Gokudera's belt buckle and he whimpers at the sudden cold and then scowls at the idiot for making him emit that noise. Yamamoto looks at him and chuckles but doesn't make any move to go farther.

"What are you doing, idiot? Why did you stop?" He growls and shifts his hips in an effort to get Yamamoto to start doing something with the hand that used to be molding against his crotch quite effectively.

"I just… I just wanted to make sure that Gokudera… I've wanted this for so long and I always thought that Gokudera didn't want me back."

"And we've already established that you're an idiot. You shouldn't ever think."

"So Gokudera likes me?" And the idiot's face lights up in a way that makes Gokudera happier than he should be about something like that and he just growls and fists his hands in Yamamoto's jacket and pulls him back down, crashing their mouths together and moaning in relief when the idiot seems to get the picture and starts to undo his belt.

When he feels his pants get loose, and that's a relief, he lifts his hips to make it easier for the idiot to pull them down and expose him to the air and he hisses at how good it feels but that's nothing compared to the way that the idiot's calloused hand feels when it's wrapped around him.

It's awkward, as if it's the idiot's first time, and Gokudera almost likes that better because it's his first time too and at least he knows the idiot hasn't beat him in this. They're even here and that's okay because Gokudera would probably have to blow someone up if Yamamoto had ever been with anyone else and it also means that Yamamoto didn't do anything with the stupid shark, not that he was worried about that or anything.

He realizes, when the idiot twists his hand just so and all he can see for a few blissful seconds is white haze, that not only does he want this but he's probably always wanted it. They're more than just friends, more than family. They're something else, the idiot and him, and he will _never_ admit that this place is romantic or that maybe the idiot did something right for once, at least not out loud, but he might admit that even if this first time is horrible he'll probably want to do it again.

Yamamoto lets go of him to slip his hand across Gokudera's pale skin and press against him. It's awkward and uncomfortable but he lifts his hips up anyway to give the idiot easier access.

"Is this okay, Gokudera?" The idiot looks worried like he's a china doll that might break if he's played with too roughly. Gokudera finds himself smirking and lets go of his grip on the idiot's shoulders so that he can do something about this unfair state of dress, wrestling with his belt buckle and not so accidentally brushing against Yamamoto's bulging erection in the process. The choked sound he receives in exchange is more than satisfying.

"Idiot." He mutters, but he's smiling and that seems to put Yamamoto at ease.

He brings his fingers to his mouth quickly and wets them as thoroughly as he can with saliva before brushing them against Gokudera's erection one more time and returning to the base of his arched spine. Yamamoto looks apologetic as he presses the first finger in but Gokudera ignores him and squeezes his eyes shut and tries to block out the discomfort. He searches blindly for Yamamoto's mouth and finds it just as a second finger enters him and it's just enough to make the invasion okay. It doesn't feel good yet but it doesn't feel bad and the taste of Yamamoto is like a drug and it's enough to make him feel amazing.

He's aware of Yamamoto's fingers moving inside of him, tentatively and slow, and he's really too impatient a person for this. His pianist fingers find Yamamoto's length and squeeze and he feels Yamamoto moan into his mouth and his fingers jerk inside of him and_ that _feels good and he wants more. He rubs his thumb across the slit of Yamamoto's head and spreads the liquid he finds there down the shaft and whispers against the idiot's lips.

"Just do it already, baseball idiot. You've made it this far, don't you want to go all the way home?" He's rewarded with that intense glint in the idiot's eyes that means he's ready to focus and Gokudera's never been more turned on his life.

Yamamoto kneels between his legs and ignores how awkward Gokudera's pants bunched around his ankles make the position and presses himself in and it's not slow enough but there's something about the pain that feels right and even though Gokudera grimaces, he turns his head away so the idiot won't see and won't stop.

Yamamoto's hand wraps around his shaft again and begins to move up and down and the distraction is everything Gokudera needs to ignore the burn of Yamamoto inside of him.

"Faster idiot." He groans out even though he's not totally sure that's what he wants and the idiot obliges him and soon enough he's hilted and stopping to compose himself. Gokudera opens one eye and glares at him and the idiot just looks away sheepishly.

"I don't want to finish too soon." And he blushes and Gokudera wants to hug him and kiss him and blow him up at the same time. Gokudera clenches around him and smiles viciously with satisfaction when Yamamoto gasps in surprise and his eyes go wide and cloudy with arousal.

"Go. Faster." He growls and the idiot just nods and starts to move and doesn't forget about his erection and Gokudera's pretty sure he's happy. He's moaning and clutching at the idiot's back and the burn even fades away to something that actually feels sort of good and then the idiot slips a little and pushes in just a little too far and a little too hard and Gokudera howls with pleasure and comes right there, harder than he ever has by himself in his bathroom. He clenches against the waves of orgasmic aftershock that pass over him and Yamamoto's grip on his already softening erection tightens in reflex when he finds his own release and shudders against Gokudera's hips and gasps out in pleasure.

Yamamoto pulls out too soon and rolls over to lay beside him and Gokudera pulls his pants up and reaches into the pocket to pull out his cigarettes then lays back down, shoulder to shoulder with the idiot. They just lay there, breathing heavily and inhaling the scent of sex and cigarettes and cologne, watching the clouds drift across the moon, neither of them thinking about how it's been a lot longer than an hour since they left the party.

Gokudera turns his head to face Yamamoto when the idiot props himself up on elbow and grins at the Italian.

"I bet you're not constipated anymore, ne Dera?"

The following explosion rattles the windows of the mansion and leaves Tsuna wringing his hands and wondering if maybe next time he should try to leave Gokudera in Japan.


End file.
